7 Steps To Heal Yourself From A Codependent Relationship
Turn codependency into self-love
If you are in tune with yourself, you know almost right away when you meet someone if you are attracted to them or not. Whether it is a physical, spiritual, or emotional attraction, you know when it happens.
You can feel your heart race, you get excited to see and spend time with them. The beginning of all relationships usually starts out this way and then turns direction. When someone has very little self-esteem, needs constant validation, has trouble making decisions, has a constant desire to care for others, has the need to feel important to someone and, has trouble identifying their own emotions; they are likely to be codependent when in a relationship. There is also a dark side to this powerful attraction when it becomes codependency.
Codependency, also known as relationship addiction, is an unhealthy, all-consuming reliance on one or more relationships. Most relationships that are co-dependent involve certain underlying disorders such as addiction, abuse, or mental disease.
Any relationship can depend on one’s co-dependence, including romance, family, or friendship. The codependent person, in general, wants to avoid unhappiness, especially for the other codependent member.
In a codependent relationship, two roles are involved: the caregiver and the person who requires care. Both roles can be filled by two people in different ways, but can not be filled by both at once.
If you feel your relationship has taken a wrong turn at codependency way, here are 7 steps to help you break the cycle.
Start Being Honest With Yourself And Your Partner
We have all experienced the feeling we get when we are not being honest to someone but even more powerful is the feeling you get when you know you are lying to yourself. Lying to ourselves and our partner only complicates the already complicated problem. Take time to reflect and be honest with yourself, accept your truth, and build up the strength to share it with your lover.
Stop Negative Thinking
If we do not have confidence and self-esteem we tend to have negative self-talk when things go south. We use our creative mind and imagination against us and not for us. We assume the person we love is avoiding, ignoring, cheating, not interested… the list is endless. Taking time to get out of your way will help you ground yourself and come back to the moment.
A rule of thumb is the moment you are aware of your negative thoughts, stop yourself and talk to yourself. Tell yourself your truth, that you are too far in your head and overthinking the situation. Take a few deep breaths and focus on what is in front of you; the moment. Ask yourself grounding questions like; what do you see? what do you smell? what do you taste? what do you feel? Use all your senses and come back to yourself.
Don’t Take Things Personally
When you are insecure it can be really challenging not to think things are not about you. It can be difficult to differentiate between what you perceive is said and what is actually said.
The toll of taking things personally can be draining and taxing on you mentally and emotionally. Which can eventually lead to physical ailments.
The best way to about falling into the trap of personalizing everything is by asking yourself questions like; am I being irrational? Is this really about me? Am I projecting?
Asking yourself these types of questions allows your focus to shift into a different perspective. It gives you an opportunity to rethink your perspective and change it if needed.
Take Breaks
Sometimes the best solution to relationship addiction is to give your relationship in timeout. Take a break even if it’s a few hours.
Taking breaks is absolutely healthy, it doesn’t mean you take a break on your loyalty. It’s only a break from each other, a time to miss your partner and share different experiences away from one another.
Enjoy some time to yourself. Take yourself out on a date, enjoy your own company, remember who you are and what you like.
Consider Counseling
Sometimes life is just straight-up overbearing and we are in need of a soundboard.
People sometimes believe that therapists or counselors have the answers, in reality, they help us process our own worries, questions, and concerns.
If you feel overwhelmed, seek help, there is nothing wrong with allowing someone to help you hash out your problems. There are a variety of therapies and therapists. You are bound to find something that helps ease the pain.
Rely On Peer Support
When relationships are in trouble we must learn to lean on each other but also on our support group.
Be it friends, family, a community, or a team; you must give yourself permission to open up to others and allow healing to enter.
All healing journeys are different, what may work for one may not work for another. Follow your heart and trust your intuition.
Establish Boundaries
This is personally a challenging area in my life, especially with partners.
Communicating with and express yourself to your partner is extremely important. This process is not just getting things off your chest. It is being vulnerable and intimate with each other.
Share with each other your likes and dislikes. Your expectations, aspirations, and dreams. Firmly and consistently establish your boundaries for all categories of your personal life and relationship.
